Have you ever wondered what to say or do when someone shares with you that they’ve lost their baby? Or what about the couple who confides in you that they’re struggling with infertility? What do you say or do? On May 5, 2019, Christ Chapel held a luncheon to discuss the realities of life when growing your family gets tough. Four friends shared from four different perspectives. What we walked away with was hopeful encouragement for the tough seasons where growing your family feels impossible, as well as some loving tips on how to be a supportive community to those struggling in this grief.
WATCH THE VIDEO HERE:
Wait with Me is a part of the ForLife Initiative of Christ Chapel Bible Church. We would love for you to get involved. For more information, go to www.waitwithme.org, or email [email protected] to ask questions or get connected with someone to talk to.
7 Tips for How to Love those Struggling to Grow their Families
TRY TO AVOID ADVICE AND JUST LISTEN INSTEAD
Avoid giving advice or using “At least…” statements. Examples: “Maybe if you could relax…” or “At least you guys can still go on vacation without getting a sitter!” Just simply listen.
KEEP INCLUDING THEM
Don’t avoid your friends struggling through infertility. Keep inviting them to birthday parties or out to dinner. If you haven’t heard from them in a while, a simple text asking “How are you?” goes a long way.
GIVE GRACE UPON GRACE UPON GRACE
Their response to things will not always be rational. (The same goes for all of us in difficult seasons.) If they can’t attend your baby shower or are absent from social media, realize this may be their way of coping. It’s not meant to hurt you.
BE SENSITIVE
Avoid intimate questions like “How long will y’all wait to have kids?” or “Are you guys going to give ____ a brother/sister?” Questions like this, especially when asked in public places, often lead to tears or inappropriate sharing.
CRY WITH THEM
Sitting next to someone and crying with them instead of speaking can feel awkward, but it is also incredibly comforting. Entering into the pain with your friends is priceless to them and can alleviate some of their loneliness.
PRAY FOR THEM
This is the most important thing you can do. Hand them over to Jesus. Be their intercessors even when they don’t have the strength to pray — especially then. Knowing someone is praying for you is so very helpful.
IF ALL ELSE FAILS, SAY “I’M SO SORRY.”
When you don’t know what to say, it’s okay to admit that to your friend. It will allow them to tell you what they need from you. And if all else fails, the most comforting thing you can say is that you’re sorry and that you love them.