Coming into college, I knew of Jesus. I thought he was a good guy, and I learned a lot about him and could tell you a few Bible verses, but I lived far from him. I knew he was good but wasn’t willing to surrender my lifestyle in the “best years” of my life. If God loved me, why would he want to take away all my fun?
I thought, “I’ll just live for the world and try the Jesus gig once I’m older.” I assumed I knew what was best and squandered my first semester of college, searching for life in all the wrong places. I found myself trying to dig deeper, chasing things that continually left me unfulfilled. Not only did they leave me feeling empty, but I felt like the further into this prodigal lifestyle I got, the more hopeless I felt.
I knew there had to be something I was missing. During this time, an older student wasn’t quite like the rest. I couldn’t grasp it, but this guy was a light. He had a sense of joy, hope and peace that I couldn’t figure out. He lived radically differently and didn’t engage in the same things as everyone else. As our friendship progressed, I found out the reason for this light was because of Jesus. What was I missing? I had been to enough Easter and Christmas services to know a lot, but I didn’t have anywhere near the amount of hope, joy and peace he had.
I was a big fan of Christ but wasn’t a follower. What I see now that I didn’t understand then was how my heart was far from him. My pride kept me at center stage, and I wasn’t willing to surrender my life to him. As I began to study the Scriptures by myself and look further into what a relationship with Jesus meant, I found that my knowledge and awareness of him weren’t helpful until I laid my life down. I couldn’t find the hope, joy and peace I sought until I surrendered my life. I wanted Jesus to be the King of my life.
Jesus says in John 10:10, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Whether I realized it, I placed many of the wrong things on a pedestal, whether drinking, pride, wealth, lust, reputation or whatever. All those things were only going to steal, kill and destroy my life. I missed that Jesus wasn’t trying to rob me of joy. He was offering me the real thing. He was offering me an abundant life, an eternal life that starts today.
I just needed to trust him. I had to humble myself and let the true King take the throne. The moment I loosened my grip on my own will and made Jesus the Lord of my life, I began to find the hope, joy and peace I desperately sought. As I dove into Scripture, wrestled with tough questions and continually sought him, I slowly lost my appetite for the past struggles and temptations that had such a tight grip on me. Throughout trial and hardship, I was able to have hope and trust in the sovereign will of God. My life has not looked perfect, but I rest in the peace of serving a King who is.